On Halloween, Wall Street’s usual hustle had a twist of eerie anticipation. The crowd waited anxiously, knowing the closing bell would be rung by none other than Art the Clown. For those that don’t know Art is the homicidal clown featured in the ultra violent Terrifier movies. The Terrifier movies (despite being some of the most extreme gore ever depicted in movies) had pulled some major bank at the box office. and propelled their NASDAQ listed parent company Cineverse into the stratosphere.
As the clock struck 4 p.m. on all hallows eve, the lights dimmed. A flicker of static blared over the speakers, and Art appeared, his black-and-white clown outfit pristine but somehow deeply disturbing. His grin exposing a mouthful of rotten teeth, his eyes, unblinking, surveyed the crowd with a mixture of amusement and malice.
Art reached the podium, lifting one gloved hand to the bell. With a sudden jolt, he pulled the lever, but not without adding his twisted flourish. He tilted his head back, grinning wider than ever, his expression like a chasm that swallowed light. The bell clanged, its metallic echo mingling with faint, unsettling laughter that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once.
The National Inquisitor managed to have a few words with art the clown (Which was hard, because Art the Clown the clown doesn’t say much):
NI: So Art, do you know anything about the stock market?
ART: not a lot to be honest. Our parent company “Cineverse” is listed on the NASDAQ and thanks to the success of Terrifier 3, I hear the stock prices have exploded.
NI: They have indeed!
ART: It’s a little strange. We put out one of, if not the most vile disgusting movie ever on a shoe string budget and the movie circuit and wall street love it.
NI: So how did it feel ringing the bell on wall street?
ART: It was actually quite the rush. I am a homicidal clown by trade. I kill people in the most disgusting ways possible. Yet here I felt creeped out. I actually felt nervous being around these Wall Street types. Here I am killing people one by one like a chump, and these dudes are buying and selling people’s lives, fortunes and business like its nothing. There’s companies here like Phfizer that kill way more people than I ever could. And they cash in on it big time! Why didn’t I think of this? I’m actually a little in awe of them. Some of these guys are absolute ghouls. Maybe I could grease one of them up for a job at the after party?
For more great articles be sure to keep checking back on The National Inquisitor as regularly as you can!