In breaking news, Biden has held a press conference announcing he’ll be running in the 2040 election. In a truely bizzare turn of events, Biden who wasn’t really tipped to live out the presidency he did serve announced he will be running as the first-ever “Head in a Jar” Candidate.
The Biden to run an 2040 as a head in a jar decision to came after Biden’s previous presidency (which lets face it, had essentially been running for years on autopilot anyway) disintegrated faster than Bidens actual physical form. The Biden 2.0 project will affectionately be called “Joebot”. The future Biden will be equipped with his memories, personality traits, and speech patterns, all downloaded from decades of recorded interviews, speeches, and personal archives. When asked why he wanted to run yet again, Joebot replied, “Folks, I may be a little different now, but I still believe in the soul of this nation—even if I don’t technically have one!”
The former president went on to add “My body might be failing but this way I don’t need to be fed, or have my diapers changed. I’ll be able to travel around in a suitcase and live off fish flakes. I’ll remember way more stuff too!” His campaign slogan, “Still Fighting for the Future,” will ring especially true now. Biden insisted “I haven’t lost my marbles just yet, or if i have they can throw a few more into my jar!”
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