Trump Declares War on Soggy Sips In a brave move to tackle the bigger issues President Trump has signed off on an executive order that could (*Cough*) be one of the biggest…
SHOULD ALL HAND SIGNALS BE BANNED AFTER ELON MUSK “NAZI” SALUTE?
Breaking: Government Considers Banning All Hand Signals Following Elon Musk’s “Alleged” Nazi Salute Washington, D.C. – In what experts are calling the most radical cultural shift since the invention of jazz hands,…
BIDEN NOW SPONSORED BY DEPEND
Breaking: President Biden Signs Full-Flush Sponsorship Deal with Depend Adult Diapers Washington, D.C. – In a groundbreaking move that’s making waves in both politics and plumbing, President Joe Biden has inked an…
JOE BIDEN’S FREEDOM AWARDS
Joe Biden’s Freedom Awards January 4, 2025 | New York City President Joe Biden took the time out to sniff the hair… oops, I mean award the Presidential Medal of Freedom—the nation’s…
FEDERAL RESERVE FACES PONZI SCHEME CHARGES
In a move that left economists scratching their heads and late-night comedians rubbing their hands with glee, the Federal Reserve faces Ponzi scheme charges launched by local conspiracy enthusiast and part-time kombucha…
PORN HUB SHUT DOWN SPARKS FEAR OF VIOLENCE IN FLORIDA
The Sunshine State is on edge this week following the sudden shutdown of Pornhub, one of the world’s largest adult entertainment platforms. The closure, which occurred after a sweeping federal crackdown on…
LUIGI ARRESTED ON MURDER CHARGES
This Just in: Luigi the famed plumber of mushroom land has been charged with the assassination of Brian Thrombosis, CEO of United Health Scare Inc. — the biggest pharmaceutical conglomerate across both…
NETANYAHU ACCUSES ALBANESE OF RACISM
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu accuses Albanese of Racism. In a bizzare twist Netanyahu recently took time out from his busy schedule of slaughtering and displacing Palestinians in genocidal numbers to essentially…
DONALD TRUMP WINS EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH
At the McDonald’s on Fifth Avenue, Donald J. Trump, wearing the iconic golden arches cap, stood beaming as the manager handed him the coveted “Employee of the Month” plaque. What started as…
HAWK TUAH GIRL
We all know Haliey Welch, famously known as the “Hawk Tuah Girl,” is obviously rather talented in at least one area, nobody has been denying that. As it turns out Hailey is…